Reflections on 2010 / Lessons in Humility

In 2010 I decided to post a photo a day on Facebook, so it's the most thoroughly documented year of my life so far.  And it was quite a year.  A theme in the year is humility - God's been working on me.  My favorite quote about humility is "Humility is not thinking less of yourself, it's thinking about yourself less."  It's a tough lesson to learn and I know I have a ways to go before I fully understand what it means to be humble.

In January my father passed away.  He was a well-loved pastor and for many years I had him on a pedestal.  When I became an adult I discovered that he wasn't perfect and I took it hard.  I never stopped loving him, but I didn't keep up the relationship to the degree I should have.  In his final weeks, I started going to the nursing home for lunch.  Sometimes we would talk, sometimes we wouldn't.  In those visits I rediscovered the wise and witty man that he was and reconciled with his faults.  It was a sweet time I will always treasure.   (I'm afraid that sounds sappy, but it's true, so I'm leaving it.) Losing dad has shaken the family dynamics and there has been both hurt and healing in the wake of his passing.  For me, it's meant spending more time with my mother as she adjusts to the many changes in her life - being alone, living in an apartment, dealing with changes brought on by age, etc.  As I write this, I know that my brain is doing a lot of processing when it comes to family - I struggle for words...

In early February Brian had to leave his job at the Salvation Army store due to pain in his hips from the work of constantly carrying furniture around.  In September he was rehired for the new store in Faribault - in a new role that causes less strain.  When he 'retired' he got some really heartwarming words from his co-workers.   The timing worked well as Brian was able to spend time helping family during his time off.  I wish he didn't need to work at all, but right now it seems necessary.

In February my daughter Amy gave birth for the first time as we welcomed Ryott into the world.  I love being a grandmother.  I melt every time he looks at me with his bright blue eyes and breaks out into a grin.  In March Amy had surgery for some problems with a cyst on her appendix.  It was a scary time and I am thankful that all seems well, so far, with her recovery. 

In April I celebrated my 25th anniversary with my employer.  It was a humbling time - around that time I got some feedback from my manager that was hard to accept, and I learned that I can't take anything, even my job, for granted.  Things are back to normal now, and I am thankful for the lesson.

In May my son and his family took a leap of faith - leaving their jobs and home in Maryland and moving back to Minnesota.  They are living with us while they pay off loans and save for a house.  I never thought that it would be so delightful to have them move in with us - but this has been mostly wonderful.   Brett's wife, Reagan, has done a lot of organizing and painting for us, and taught us about passion and patience.  Their daughter, Norah is a delightful 2-year old - I can't begin to describe all the joy that she has brought into our household.  I love seeing Brett in the role of father and husband - and doing both well.  I love seeing Brian in the role of grandfather - something I've been looking forward to for years.  It's a good fit.

Brian went to Alaska for a month in July to help his sister with some projects.  I missed him, and was glad to have Brett to help around the house and yard.  In a way, it felt good to miss him.  I'm glad for the time they could spend together and it was fun to reunite and have new things to talk about for awhile.

In September Brian and I got to play music with an awesome group at an outdoor wedding.  It's been awhile and it was so good to be part of a group again!  The bride, groom, and many of their friends are graduates of Teen Challenge - former drug addicts who know that they are alive only through the love of Jesus Christ. It's inspiring to hear their amazing stories and I am reminded that we all need God just as much as they do.  In November an old friend gave us an opportunity to join his group in doing music at his church once a month.  Troy is a talented leader and we are thrilled to be working with him again.

In October a co-worker learned that her cancer was back.  I helped with a fundraiser for her in December and was encouraged by the generosity of her friends, co-workers and family.  She has begun chemo and it is going well.  I don't know what the future holds, but it's a stark reminder that life and health cannot be taken for granted. 

Brian and I had our 30th wedding anniversary in August.  We celebrated in October with a weekend at Lake Sakatah with our children and grandchildren.  The gift of their fellowship was truly the best.  We had a great time together.

In late fall, we had a chance to provide some shelter for former neighbors who have watched their lives crumble around them due to a life of addiction, lies, etc.  They lost custody of their children, were evicted from their home, and were down to a single bag of possessions in the back of our car.  It was a problem too big for me to solve, but I know it's not too big for the creator of the universe.  They are in a safe place now and I continue to hold them in my prayers.

One day, when walking home from work, I realized that I was needlessly taking small steps.  I found I could walk faster if I lengthened my stride, and wondered when I had stopped walking the way I had in high school.  Along with this discovery, I decided to give up my childhood habit of avoiding cracks in the sidewalk.  It's time to lift up my head and see beyond the sidewalk.

I've been resisting exercise for many years.  I know it's good for me, I'll feel better, etc., but it's just hard to make time for it.  In November my friend Julie invited Jen (another friend) and I to a Zumba class.  That's all it took to get me back into it and it feels so good.  I've even been exercising on some of the machines at work on my off days.  The next month Julie and I joined Weight Watchers.  I made it through the holidays with a modest, healthy loss of 2.2 pounds.  It's a start, and I'm encouraged enough to want to continue. 

I am so grateful to have good friends in my life.  I haven't always felt good about my friendships - I think it's hard to maintain them when you're busy with jobs and kids.  I've had some great lunches, scrapbooking events, book discussions, conversations over coffee, Facebook chats, etc.  It's hard to shake those old feelings of inadequacy, but I can't ignore the fact that God has blessed me with so many good people to love and share life with. 

Brian and I have continued our involvement with ministry through ReaLife (a Young Life ministry for at-risk kids) and Celebrate Recovery (a Christ-centered ministry for healing from hurts, habits, and hang-ups).  I continue to feel inadequate and unworthy to do this type of ministry, but I feel called to it, so I keep showing up.  And lives are being changed there - not that I can take any credit for it, but it's awesome to be a witness to God working.  These ministries humble me - and I'm not just saying that - I haven't felt this way doing Sunday School and music.  I'm reminded of Romans 12:  9-10 "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."  Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.  That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties.  For when I am weak, then I am strong."

That's enough for now.  Bring on the new year.